Today while scrolling through Facebook, White house black shutters asked a question:
What holds you back from what you really, really want to do?
Out of nowhere, or so it seemed, I put "fear of judgement" and hit enter. I always thought I did things the way I wanted and didn't worry to much about what others thought, but then again, I don't really make big decisions or really do big things. I am a stay at home mom and I raise our son (with my husband of course) as best I /we can. I usually think that I don't worry about what others think on that subject. He is a good kid right? Well surprisingly enough, around Christmas time at a family event, I found that I care WAY more than I thought. There was a point in the day where I wanted to go lock myself in the bathroom, cry, and not come out until someone else put him to bed. My two year old was being a complete two year old and in front of my
entire family. All 1000 of them (or so it felt that day). As I looked around at all the other kids, not one of them was acting up, being crazy, dumping water glasses or knocking things off the wall.... I was a mess. I couldn't keep up with him and I wanted to scream. I was so worried about what my family thought about how I was raising our son and what a craze he was becoming. (and of course that day my husband was sick in bed and I was on my own) In the midst of it all, my cousin Kristi, whom I like to call superwoman, told me something I really needed to hear. She said to stop worrying about him. No one was judging me, we are family and that I needed to sit and relax. Enjoy the day. She was so right, and Kristi, I should have hugged you right then and there. I needed that! I felt like everyone was watching me and thinking about the toddler
I had created. I was worrying too much about what everyone was thinking and not focusing on how to fix the issue at hand. I know my son and had I just stopped for a moment, I may have seen that I just needed to let him be.
(all the little boys)
This story may not explain how it holds me back from all things, but on that day I needed to let go and enjoy my time with family and not worry about being judged.
So, I have to ask, What holds you back from what you really, really want to do? Anything??
Out of nowhere, or so it seemed, I put "fear of judgement" and hit enter. I always thought I did things the way I wanted and didn't worry to much about what others thought, but then again, I don't really make big decisions or really do big things. I am a stay at home mom and I raise our son (with my husband of course) as best I /we can. I usually think that I don't worry about what others think on that subject. He is a good kid right? Well surprisingly enough, around Christmas time at a family event, I found that I care WAY more than I thought. There was a point in the day where I wanted to go lock myself in the bathroom, cry, and not come out until someone else put him to bed. My two year old was being a complete two year old and in front of my entire family. All 1000 of them (or so it felt that day). As I looked around at all the other kids, not one of them was acting up, being crazy, dumping water glasses or knocking things off the wall.... I was a mess. I couldn't keep up with him and I wanted to scream. I was so worried about what my family thought about how I was raising our son and what a craze he was becoming. (and of course that day my husband was sick in bed and I was on my own) In the midst of it all, my cousin Kristi, whom I like to call superwoman, told me something I really needed to hear. She said to stop worrying about him. No one was judging me, we are family and that I needed to sit and relax. Enjoy the day. She was so right, and Kristi, I should have hugged you right then and there. I needed that! I felt like everyone was watching me and thinking about the toddler I had created. I was worrying too much about what everyone was thinking and not focusing on how to fix the issue at hand. I know my son and had I just stopped for a moment, I may have seen that I just needed to let him be.
What a summer. It has been busy and I am learning what it means to be a mommy to a toddler. It makes me laugh. Times are hard, fun, tiring, exciting, trying & joyful. My sweet, cute, smiling, laughing, giggling, chatty little boy is not always little mr. perfect. Imagine that LOL. He is a toddler and I love him so much.
