Knowing God's plan is better

How to start a sentence is always the hardest part for me. So I will begin with, sometimes the things God has us go through feel awful lonely... but when I really stop and look around I'm not alone at all. God is always with me and getting me through whatever comes my way. This time in my life is both a sad time and a most joyous one. Weird that it can be both. Here is my story and why.

Recently I had some tests done that show and explain why we haven't been able to get pregnant the last 2 years. I have some fertility issues, I won't go into depth about that now, but this news is both a relieving and saddening discovery. I often wondered why, and now I know.

On the other side of things, I KNOW God has a plan. I KNOW God hears my cries and my heart. I KNOW God understands the love we have and want to share with children. That is why He pointed us to adoption, and this adoption is my joy. I am so excited and happy to say that we are about half way through. Within the week our home study should be written up and submitted and I can check one more thing off our adoption list. Our little boy is out there and I can't wait to bring him home. I want to meet him more than anything. Even getting pregnant. {let me explain} If we were to get pregnant now, our adoption process would have to be put on hold until our child is 6-9 months old. So where we are now, he is my baby and I am waiting patiently to go get him. So no, I do not want to get pregnant now, but its still hard each month.

Anyway, this is me opening up and sharing my heart. I'm not a great writer and I don't mind that. This place gives me a way to share my feelings and {for some reason} feel better afterwards. I still struggle when I meet pregnant women, I get a little jealous, but I'm also so very excited for them.  I treasured being pregnant with Nolan and I believe that one day, when the time is right, God will bless us again, and hopefully again (one way or another) :)

Can I be honest?

I am feeling overwhelmed and its my own doing. I am a person who has to be organized to function and lately I am NOT organized! It makes my day to day tasks overwhelming. The thing about me is, I LOVE to multi-task! It makes me feel in control and that I CAN get things done. However, these last few weeks I am so unorganized and can't seem to get anything done. My house is a mess, I don't do laundry enough, I haven't made a meal for my husband in about 2 weeks (thankfully he has been cooking), I am slow at returning emails, I am bad at organizing my thought for this blog, I still have yet to complete my guest posts for some amazing ladies.... all these things (and more) need to just get done! I have turned into the woman who has so much to do that she stares at it all and gets nothing done. Its horrible! These are things that are easily checked out if I just get moving! Yet here I am again, sitting and talking about it.  I need to say it out loud. Maybe I want to hear that others are going through this too or hear advise on how to check off my to do list or just a kick in the pants- someone telling me to stop staring at my messes and just get it done!

source

Anyone else struggling lately? 

I will say that circumstances around me have changed a little, and my son is now not wanting to nap at his usual time- but there is no reason I can't get stuff done!

Someone wanna give me a push!? 

Lovely weekend

                             This past weekend











Friday my mom came to visit, then my husband, our friend Flo and myself got to out out for dinner and have sushi (amazing!) Then Saturday we had the pleasure of watching our neighbors newborn. I look forward to watching her and seeing her grow. She is an amazing little lady already. She is the daughter of my friend who passed away 2 weeks ago. Its amazing how you can see her mom in this little baby. You just want to squeeze her.
My little man thought she was adorable and that he had a fun toy to play with.. He wanted to touch her to make sure she was real and then he wanted to push her in the swing. It was so cute! (Don't worry, I kept a very close eye.)  If you think about them this week, pray for this little girl and her family. Its a hard road they are on right now. Pray that she starts sleeping through the night so that the family can all get their rest. It is a pleasure watching this little one. She is going to come over again today and play (aka sleep, eat & poop). Actually I am off to go get her now... before I go I wanted to share a song that we sang on sunday that really hit home for me.      Enjoy!

EVERYTHING

God in my living

There in my breathing

God in my waking

God in my sleeping

God in my resting

There in my working

God in my thinking

God in my speaking

Be my everything

Be my everything

Be my everything

Be my everything

God in my hoping

There in my dreaming

God in my wathcing

God in my waiting

God in my laughing

There in my weeping

God in my hurting

God in my healing

Christ in me

Christ in me

Christ in me the hope of glory

You are everything

Christ in me

Christ in me

Christ in me the hope of glory

Be my everything

You are everything

Jesus, Everything

Tim Hughes Holding Nothing Back Album - Song "Be My Everything"

Sadness & grief

Today I grieve and suffer the loss of a friend. 

Please pray for peace and comfort for everyone who loved and cared deeply for her. 

She was a wife and an amazing mother of three, one just born on Saturday. She loved them with everything she had. She was my friend and neighbor and I will truly miss her. 

I will miss the plans we had to watch our boys grow up together, I will miss our walks, I will miss her being there to let us know we left our garage door open again (ha), I will miss her advise. 

I hurt as I think of her children growing up without their mother, I hurt for the pain her husband and family are going through.

Be still, and know that I am God

Psalm 46:10

2012 Resolutions

Resolutions- Do you make them? Are you good at keeping them?
Because I am horrible! I think every year I have a resolution to work out more and I think I might possibly work out less than I did the year before, if that is even possible. My problem is that I don't take them seriously. I tell my self "it would be nice if..." instead of truly thinking about things I would like to accomplish in a year.
Then last night, while going through reader and playing catch up, I came across Katie from Punkin' Heads and Dooda Loo's. She blogged about the changes she saw in her own life in 2011. It was great reading how she grew this past year and what she learned. It made me reflect and want to do better. I want to have a list for 2012 so that on Dec 31, 2012 I can look back and see all I have accomplished and how I have changed. Thank you Katie! {big hug goes out to you}

I will say that I look back at 2011 and smile. My family went through trying times and we came out the other side stronger! I feel very blessed to have such an amazing husband and I can't believe our little boy is 16 months old!
On June 24, 2011 I started this blog and have met some AWESOME people, I am so grateful for all of you! Then on August 1st I announced the opening of my etsy shop! That has been such a blessing for me! I get the chance to do something I love and meet more amazing people and create personalized pieces for them to enjoy! {thank you!}

So with 2012 coming in fast, this next year I want to set some goals for myself.
Here are my resolutions (in no particular order):

-Go to bed earlier
-Do daily devotions
-Read the Bible in a year
-Fully design my blog and figure out what all I want it to be
-Come up with a new design for my shop each month
-Keep in touch better
-Have date night every week- even if we don't leave the house
-Learn to slow down and listen to my hubby more -(sometimes he talks in circles and my hearing fades a bit- sorry honey)
-Get involved in a good cause- local or online
-Start a workout routine- something! anything!
-Be a better daughter
-Pray with my husband more
-Drink more water
-Grow an herb garden

-Finally paint & decorate our master bedroom
-Cook more- 2-3x's a week
-Grow in my faith
-Fully trust in God EVERY day


This last one is not so much a resolution as it is a prayer---
I pray God helps us grow our family this next year, one way or another. I pray He works a miracle.

Thank you all for being here with me in 2011 and I hope you are still around in 2012!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!
Have a blessed 2012!

and ask ourselves

image

1, 2, 3, 4, 5

I'm blank because

Hey everyone I hope had and and are having a great Thanksgiving!
I am sure you have run across the post by Little Miss Momma - I'm blank because....
She really opened up and share some things about herself so I thought I would join in and I would love to see yours!

I'm weird because...
I have a slight fear of elevators
I randomly crave pickles ever since having my son
I like to sleep with one foot under the covers and one out
I do not like to be touched while sleeping
I will fast forward through scary parts of a show

I'm a bad friend because...
I usually text rather than call
I am horrible at making play dates until last minute
I dont get out much anyone to do things
I have high expectations of a true friend

I'm a good friend because...
I listen and honestly care
I will be there for you when you need me
I hurt when you hurt
I cherish true friendship
I set high standards for myself as a true friend

I'm sad because...
I am have been horrible at keeping up on my blog lately (I will do better!)
I cant seem to lose those last 5lbs

I'm happy because...
I have a wonderful husband who loves me
I have a son who lights up when I walk into the room
I opened up my etsy shop this August and I am loving it!
I have gotten the chance to meet some amazing ladies online
I got to go on a date with my husband tonight

I'm excited for...
Family bonding time
Playing games
Holidays with a 1 year old
Starting our own family traditions
Our first Christmas gathering at our home

Crazy weekend

Wow what a crazy weekend! It started off great! I had some family in town, did some shopping, watched a movie (at home), got to go on a date with my hubby, then....bam!
Off to the ER! Not such a great end to our date. It was about 11:15pm and (as my husband says) like a light switch, I was in tremendous pain! I was able to get myself to the bathroom, incase I was going to be sick... and without going into too much, after about an hour of laying on the floor, unable to move or talk much, my husband decided I HAD to go to the ER. I put it off for a little while longer, hoping to feel better, but by 1am we were in the ER waiting room. We spent the next 5.5 hours waiting and having tests done. In the end they said I had experienced a ruptured ovarian cyst. I am telling you, that was the most painful thing I think I have ever been through, and I have a 15 month old!

I am so thankful...
Even through all this pain I know God was watching out for us! I am so thankful that God planned for my mom to be in town so she was able to take care of our son. Both while we were in the ER and after so we could sleep.  I am also SO grateful for my amazingly caring, loving, comforting husband, who was there with me the whole time! Poor guy was scared for me as I lay on the floor, white as a ghost, unable to do much. He is my rock and such a wonderful husband!

Sunday and now half of monday, I was able to spend most of my time on some pain Meds and in bed. Thanks to my mom and my husband for running this house. :)

My God is always BIGGER! 

God is Good

Yesterday was Pregnancy & Infant Remembrance Loss Day and I wanted to share some things with you all that you probably didn't know.

God is so Good! (That I am sure you know)
Losing our first child was really one of the hardest things I have even gone through, but also brought me closer to God than I had been in a while.

God is so good to me and my family (yet some time I think we all need a reminder)
August 17, 2009 we went in to listen to our baby's heart beat and found out that we had lost our first child. It was truly a hard day. I haven't cried so much before nor since. BUT GOD IS GOOD!

A year later and on August 17, 2010 I was headed to the hospital to be induced to have our precious son! ~ Granted he was stubborn and took 32 hours to make it into the world, but he is such a blessing! And I couldn't think of my life without him. (that doesn't not make me miss or forget our first child)

March 22, 2010 was our first baby's due date. On that day, as I remember what that day was to hold for us, it also became a joyous day. This was the day we were scheduled to have our BIG ultra-sound, for our second pregnancy, and found out we were having a BOY! A day of sadness and joy! GOD IS GOOD!

So a year after we lost our little angel, we welcome this precious little guy into the world!

Again I say GOD IS GOOD! 

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Will never forget ♥

In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. "When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes." (site)

I will never forget the day (August 17th) we went into the doctors office to listen to our babies heart beat and heard nothing.  The doctor didn't give us a lot, but gave us a small hope that I was just not as far long as we thought and we would check again in a week. Sadly for us, a week later when we went back in, our baby still had no heart beat.  My DNC was schedule for September 9, 2009.

It doesn't take a special day for me to remember our baby but it is special to have a day where families can unite and all remember. 

God bless and be with you all today!

AND I am so thankful for this reminder!

Third Day
Call My Name
It's been so long since you felt like you were loved so what went wrong
but do you know there's a place where you belong here in my arms

when you feel like you're alone in your sadness
it seems like no one else in this whole world cares
and you want to get away from the madness
you just call my name and I’ll be there
you just call my name and I’ll be there

the pain inside has erased your hope for love soon you will find
that I’ll give you all that your heart could ever want and so much more

when you feel like you're alone in your sadness
it seems like no one else in this whole world cares
and you want to get away from the madness
you just call my name and i'll be there
you just call my name and i'll be there

you just call my name
you just call my name

call my name say it now I want you to never doubt the love I have for you is so alive
call my name say it now I want you to never doubt the love I have for you is so alive

you just call my name
you just call my name
you just call my name
the love I have for you is so alive
the love I have for you is so alive
you just call my name
you just call my name
you just call my name

from a post I did while going through my loss -HERE