Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Knowing God's plan is better

How to start a sentence is always the hardest part for me. So I will begin with, sometimes the things God has us go through feel awful lonely... but when I really stop and look around I'm not alone at all. God is always with me and getting me through whatever comes my way. This time in my life is both a sad time and a most joyous one. Weird that it can be both. Here is my story and why.

Recently I had some tests done that show and explain why we haven't been able to get pregnant the last 2 years. I have some fertility issues, I won't go into depth about that now, but this news is both a relieving and saddening discovery. I often wondered why, and now I know.

On the other side of things, I KNOW God has a plan. I KNOW God hears my cries and my heart. I KNOW God understands the love we have and want to share with children. That is why He pointed us to adoption, and this adoption is my joy. I am so excited and happy to say that we are about half way through. Within the week our home study should be written up and submitted and I can check one more thing off our adoption list. Our little boy is out there and I can't wait to bring him home. I want to meet him more than anything. Even getting pregnant. {let me explain} If we were to get pregnant now, our adoption process would have to be put on hold until our child is 6-9 months old. So where we are now, he is my baby and I am waiting patiently to go get him. So no, I do not want to get pregnant now, but its still hard each month.

Anyway, this is me opening up and sharing my heart. I'm not a great writer and I don't mind that. This place gives me a way to share my feelings and {for some reason} feel better afterwards. I still struggle when I meet pregnant women, I get a little jealous, but I'm also so very excited for them.  I treasured being pregnant with Nolan and I believe that one day, when the time is right, God will bless us again, and hopefully again (one way or another) :)

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